I'm a lazy Bum

I'm a lazy bum with alot to do.
I sometimes wonder what the hell I'm doing, nut then the next moment I'm on the ball rearing to go.
I most times confuse myself.
But today I suprised myself.
I went to school when I didn't have to but that's not the suprising part, she did too, just to see him I'm thinking. I'm confused, depleted, and depressed. The only way I know to get rid of all of these emotions is to cry, but every time I do that people either jump to the conclusion that they hurt me because I never cry or that something is wrong, which is absolutely right but I don't want them to know something like that about me...It's just to personal and in itself humiliating. Last sunday I cried at the Observatory, everytime I think about it I either want to go cry or hide for the rest of my life or at least a few months but I have stuff to do and that weighs heavily upon me.
Sometimes I think, "Why this, all I want to do is become a peaceful farmer in a quiet little village with no worries, is that to much to ask?" But I then get dragged into something else that will change everything so I just continue on doing what I can when I can and cry in silence...
Someone once told me, "Those who lead, bleed." I find this is very true, because I am now made to lead and detaching myself to help others and lead them it hurts to keep myself aloof so that I don't get attached hurt because when they move on I do as well, but rarely with them, some are made to lead while others are made to follow. I also feel that those who lead are made to take risks, while those who follow will if it is safe, but if it isn't those who lead will keep moving while those who follow will wait to find an easier route. Then creating a rift. This might even be the missing link who knows, although I still believe we are a race of aliens bred into the natives, that are now depleting the Earth, we are the ones left behind, we are the ones waiting for the easier route. I don't like easy routes, they are too simple, My motto is, "If you don't work for it you don't deserve it." at least for the moment that is.